Why Did I Leave Marine Biology?

When people hear I previously monitored whales and dolphins, they all have the same question. ‘Why did you leave?’ It actually took me years to be okay with the fact that I changed careers. I left home at age 16 and moved 300 miles away to study marine biology at college. Then undergrad, then postgrad. I felt I had put too much time, effort and money into it, to then change my mind. It felt like a failure. I was embarrassed. Upon reflection, there were multiple reasons for the change. It’s never too late to change careers. No matter how much time you’ve put into it in the past, if it’s not fulfilling for you, why put more time into it?

My priorities changed since childhood

I went into marine biology because I decided at about age 12 I was going to ‘save all the dolphins’. I doubt many people actually ended up doing what their 12 year old self chose. Like most people, my priorities changed. I used to think I was fine with not having a stable career. With moving country every time a project was finished. Not having a serious relationship because “dolphins come first” - quote 16-year-old Jen. Not having a house, or even a decent income. As I got older, things shifted. I realised I wanted a stable job where I didn't need to reapply for funding every year or so. I wanted a house I could decorate. I wanted to get married and not have a long-distance relationship long-term.

Making a difference was hard

Above all, I wanted to see the difference I was making. Young Jen didn’t realise that would be so difficult to do in marine biology. Write some research papers, do some conservation, save a species, right? The reality is more like... pour your heart, soul and waking hours into collecting and analysing data. To then conclude ‘larger dataset needed’ or ‘more research required’. Even if you get the data needed, and manage to finally get published, there is a good chance it will gather dust on a shelf. I see the difference I make to my clients every week, which fills my heart so much.

I never felt confident

Even after a year working off-shore, I still never felt truly confident that I knew what I was doing. I always second guessed myself. I would worry about equipment failing during my night shift, and whether I could fix it alone. I never felt I got to grips with stats. If you don’t fully understand how you analyse the data, it impacts all other parts of the research. I worried about asking stupid questions, and being judged. Not long into training as a therapist I realised, I could do this. And I could do this well. It feels so good, for my work and my self esteem, to know I’m good at what I do and to have self-belief and confidence.

The reality of working at sea

Yes working at sea can be wonderful. Some days you are watching dolphins in the sun and wondering how you get to do this as a job. Realistically, that’s a very small percentage of the time. It was not uncommon to be at sea for weeks, with no sightings or audio detections. Shifts were 12 hours long and often alone. Sometimes you’d be on the 6pm - 6am shift, which also meant no hot food. All the fresh food would run out in the first week or two. Once the cabins all flooded with toilet water. We had to spend the next few weeks flushing the loos with buckets. There was no wifi on board. You can’t video call/contact friends or family. Then there’s the weather. Often I was deployed in the north sea, and I was sick sea on every boat I’ve been on. Once I was off-shore near Scotland for a month and only worked 2 days. The rest was spent sitting and waiting for the weather to improve. The reality of working offshore is far from glamorous.

You can always change your mind. Your fashion style, your relationship, your career or even the country you live in. If it doesn’t bring you happiness, or life satisfaction, it’s time to step back. Look at the bigger picture. Do some self-work and try a new direction. And keep trying until you get it right. You deserve the best, don’t settle.