The Anniversary Effect: Reliving Trauma on Significant Dates
The Anniversary Effect
'Time heals all wounds' sometimes doesn't hold true. Often, it's not a linear journey from trauma to healing. In fact, for many people, certain dates or anniversaries can reevoke intense feelings. It's now been one year since my husband suddenly admitted he had fallen out of love, and ended our relationship. It's the first time in my life I've felt the traumaversary effect. So let's talk about it.
The anniversary effect, or traumaversary, is a well-documented phenomenon in psychological research. It refers to the resurgence of distressing emotions and symptoms on the anniversary of a traumatic event.
Traumatic events that may cause the anniversary effect include:
Death of a loved one
Car accidents, terrorist attacks or natural disasters
Traumatic birth or miscarriages
A severe health diagnosis
Divorce/end of a significant relationship
Pandemics
Research indicates that these reactions are common and can vary in intensity.
It's harder to avoid thoughts and feelings about a traumatic event in the lead up to, during, and after the anniversary. This is due to the memory cues associated with that time of year. - Chartered Psychologist, Catherine Hallissey.
I think recognising and understanding the anniversary effect is crucial. For both individuals experiencing it and professionals supporting them. Accepting that these reactions are normal is key. It's a natural human experience. However, it can be painful and feel as raw as it did on the day of the event itself.
Symptoms can be mental or physical and may include:
Increased anxiety, depression or anger
Nightmares, flashbacks, distressing memories, thoughts or feelings
Fatigue, sleep issues/insomnia, restlessness
Aches, pains and flaring chronic health conditions
Fear, tension, crying, a sense of dread
Cancelling plans or isolating
Rumination and difficulty concentrating
A reminder: It is not the event itself, that is traumatic. It's the meaning we give the event, that causes trauma. This is why something common, could still cause PTSD, because of the meaning we make of it. And why something violent might not cause trauma for someone.
The Emotional Impact of “Traumaversaries”
On a personal level, I know how difficult it can be to face these anniversaries. As someone who lives with the impact of a chronic skin condition, I know the emotional strain. It can be as challenging as the physical symptoms! Dealing with a visual condition affects your self-image and well-being. This can also trigger feelings of vulnerability or shame.
Similarly, the anniversary of my husband’s departure brought all the grief back. The 'what ifs' and questioning returned. I was emotional and exhausted. Angry I was feeling this again, at him and at myself. I started remembering the good times more, and the loss felt big enough to drown me. I realised I lost not only my husband and friend, but my primary caregiver for my skin condition. The only person who I felt truly understood and knew how to help.
You might recognize this feeling. Like you’ve taken a step forward in your healing, only for something to happen that brings you two steps back. It can feel overwhelming.
But I want to remind you, and myself, that healing is not about completely erasing pain. It's about learning to embrace it as part of your story.
How to Cope with the Anniversary Effect
Acknowledge the Pain: Don’t try to push away the emotions that come up. Allow yourself to feel them. Give yourself permission to feel, this can actually ease the intensity.
Practice Self-Compassion: Understand that it’s okay to not be “over” something. You’re allowed to have hard days, and those hard days do not diminish your progress.
Create a Ritual: Some people find commemorating the event with a ritual or celebration is beneficial. Rituals can help you process your emotions in a controlled way. I personally find comfort in writing about my experiences as poems, or looking back at photos.
Reframe the Story: Reframe how you view the anniversary. Rather than seeing it as a painful reminder, can you view it as a marker of growth? Each year that passes is one more step in your healing journey. Remind yourself how far you have come.
Connect with Support: Sharing your feelings with a trusted friend or therapist can help you feel less alone in your experience. Sometimes, simply knowing that someone else understands, or is there to listen, can help lift the weight.
Empowerment and Growth: Ending on a Positive Note
I want to end this post with a positive message. Just because you feel the weight of an anniversary or a significant event, it doesn’t mean you’re “stuck” in that moment. In fact, each time an anniversary comes around, you have the opportunity to grow and evolve.
I know, despite the difficult emotions this month brought up, I am not the same person I was a year ago. I am stronger, wiser, more independent and more compassionate toward myself. These “traumaversaries” are no longer markers of defeat but are instead reminders of how much I've grown or achieved.
You are not defined by your past, and you are certainly not bound to it.
Healing is not about avoiding pain, but about finding ways to move forward with it, empowered and whole.