Security vs Safety

Sometimes my blogs are what I believe other people might be interested in, or need to know. Other times, like this one, it’s purely a place where I can explore my own thoughts. Lately I’ve been intrigued by the notion of safety within a relationship, and how it differs from security. Society often uses these words interchangeably, but they don’t mean the same thing. In the context of relationships, the difference between safety and security lies in how they relate to the emotional and psychological dynamics of the partnership. Here's a breakdown:

Safety in a Relationship

• Definition: Safety refers to the immediate feeling of being free from harm, judgment, or emotional distress within the relationship. It is about being able to express yourself openly without fear of rejection, criticism, or hostility.

• Examples:

  • Feeling comfortable sharing your thoughts and feelings without fear of being ridiculed.

  • Trusting that your partner won’t physically or emotionally harm you.

  • Being in an environment where arguments are resolved calmly rather than escalating into verbal or physical aggression.

• Impact: A sense of safety allows vulnerability, open communication, and the ability to express needs, creating the foundation for intimacy and trust.

Security in a Relationship

• Definition: Security refers to the confidence that the relationship is stable, consistent, and will endure over time. It’s about having assurance in your partner’s commitment, reliability, and future together.

• Examples:

  • Trusting that your partner is loyal, honest and faithful.

  • Knowing that your partner will support you through challenges, both emotionally and practically.

  • Feeling confident that the relationship has a strong foundation and a shared vision for the future.

• Impact: A sense of security fosters long-term commitment and helps partners navigate challenges with confidence, knowing their bond is resilient.

Key Differences

I’m now coming up to one year since my marriage fell apart. It’s been 4 months of adjusting to a new relationship. I’ve been talking to my own therapist about both reflecting back on the past, and starting to feel comfortable enough to look into the future again. This has highlighted the differences between safety and security for me:

Safety is the immediate emotional and physical well-being. It’s about the present moment. Threats to safety would be criticism, aggression and a lack of meeting their needs.

Security is about the long-term stability and future of the relationship. It’s ongoing and future-oriented. Threats to the security would include uncertainty and inconsistency.

Therefore, you can have one without the other.

Safety is required from the start, whereas security can grow over time, with trust.

Safety creates the foundation and security reinforces safety.

A hypnotherapist's perspective:

While the terms safety and security are sometimes used interchangeably, they represent distinct concepts that, when understood, can profoundly influence personal well-being and transformation. Safety is about survival and being able to relax, but security is a sense of stability and predictability over a longer time frame.

Understanding the difference between these two concepts allows us to address both short-term and long-term needs effectively. Hypnotherapy often works by helping individuals reconnect with their inner resources, fostering a sense of safety in the present moment while building tools to create security for the future. Learning how to nurture both, you can create a foundation for growth and transformation, both within ourselves, and our relationships with others.