Dealing with Change and Uncertainty
It’s a weird summer, half living with my parents again, and sometimes friend’s houses. Running my own business, unsure of my income week to week. Living out of a suitcase, missing my lizard and trying to make new friends at age 30. There’s been so much change this year and it’s hard to imagine my future. I don’t know when my house will sell and I don’t know when I’ll be able to move into my new flat. When he, or I, might want to start the legal process of divorce. I don’t know when clients will stop coming, or new ones sign up, or if my meds will stop working. I’ve never had so much uncertainty in my life and I’m craving stability. I absolutely love this business and my job, but the self-employed life is an adjustment!
What isn’t changing?
Instead I’m forced to find what is a constant through all of this.
My friends and family, always there for me. My sense of adventure and seeking out new experiences. How easily I pick up dance steps and how bad I am at bowling. My kindness, passion and despite everything, being a romantic. This is all constant. My skin health this year on immunosuppressants. How much I like Korean and Japanese film/TV and zombie apocalyptic plots. I can’t NOT sing in the car and have my showers too hot. I still look forward to seeing the leaves changing colour and Christmas decorations going up.
When you find yourself in a period of change or a state of unwanted uncertainty, take some time to reflect on your constants. It doesn’t change the situation, but it helps you realise how many things do stay the same, and how you don’t have to change who you are.
Control the information
When there is so much change going on around us, whether that’s the end of a relationship, moving house or job, or maybe nothing is changing for you but all your loved ones seem to be changing, we crave more information.
A break up… What is he thinking right now, is he with someone new, does he regret what he did, does he realise how this has impacted me?
A new house… When will I be able to move, what if we find damage, how much will it cost, how hard will it be to make new friends in the area?
A new job… Am I qualified enough for this position, how big is the team, will I be able to get Christmas off, what will other people think of my office clothes?
Stay informed about changes and uncertainties that directly affect you, but avoid excessive consumption of news, social media, stalking or constantly asking questions, which can increase anxiety. Consistently trying to find out new information, which isn’t available to us yet, will fuel the feeling of powerlessness. Focus on what you do know, trusting you will be able to cope if or when you find out more. Otherwise you suffer twice, once by trying to predict the answer and thinking of all the possibilities, and second when you find out.