My Skin Story

Why do I specialise in helping those with skin conditions? Because for me, that’s where it all started. It’s why I started therapy. So, here’s my story, perhaps you can relate? (Trigger warning: Skin photos)

October - Happy Eczema Awareness Month!

I haven’t always had severe eczema. I had a bit of eczema as a baby and a child, but it didn't impact my childhood much growing up. (Although I do recall a boy in my class at school asking if I had been burnt in a fire. Thanks Connor.)

When I was at college and university, it started impacting me a bit more. I never thought too much of it. Knowing I could go and buy the ‘magic’ 1% hydrocortisone cream over the counter and it would sort it out. Back then, none of us had ever heard of steroid withdrawal. The pharmacist would always ask “which part of the body is this for?” I would lie (don’t do that), saying my back or arms, then go home and put it on my face, because the doctor had given it to me for my face before. Despite many trips to the doctors, they never referred me to dermatology. They never asked about how I mentally coped. They just prescribed more steroid creams and I used them.

I went on a gap year after my undergrad. We spent 2 months camping in New Zealand, a lot of the time without proper facilities (e.g. washing in lakes). I developed a severe skin infection. This was my first trip to a dermatologist and he couldn’t believe I hadn’t been referred to one before. He gave me instructions to badger them back in the UK until I got one.

When you always have sensitive, reactive skin, you start to normalise it and don’t realise how bad it is.

So began the routines of meds, greasy baths, covering myself in oil and putting on wet pyjamas to lock in the moisture.

During postgrad my skin was okay. I think living over the road from the beach in Cornwall was a massive help, but then I moved to Norwich for work. I worked offshore, where my skin was mostly okay. (Not what those who don’t have eczema would call okay, but okay from my standards). Again, perhaps the sea air? But every time I got home from sea my skin would flare.

I was prescribed stronger and stronger steroids. Finally, after breaking down in front of many doctors, I got referred to the long wait list of dermatology. This lead to phototherapy. Off I went to the hospital, every Monday, Wednesday and Friday, for about 2-3 months. It made things worse, especially on my face, before it got better. When treatment finished, I enjoyed about 2-3 months of happy skin days. Then it came roaring back.

I tried everything. I paid for private dermatology (with help from my parents), had patch testing and oral steroids. I did find a severe allergen in my workplace, and due to this I was signed off work. (After 6 months they deemed it unsafe for me to return and I lost my job.)

I started working with a dietitian. Cutting out dairy, increasing protein etc. This did help! But it didn’t solve the issue completely. I was barely sleeping at all. Spending half the night in the bath because it was the only place that didn’t hurt. Then having a panic when I finally did get out, knowing the pain that was coming. I was shedding skin like a fast-growing baby lizard (a lot). I had skin infections due to the amount of open/broken skin. Now it was lockdown and I was also postponing our wedding. (Stress was off the charts and depression set in.) I waddled between the bed, bath and sofa, sleeping the days away and my husband became my carer.

I started therapy, first private acceptance and commitment therapy. After this I had CBT (cognitive behavioural therapy) on the NHS, then private sex therapy, and back to CBT.

By this time, I had actually got my skin mostly under control and after 1 year off work I was back in a job. The problem now was my brain. Even though showers and baths didn’t hurt anymore, my brain hadn’t learnt that. I was having daily panic attacks at trying to clean myself or get dressed. NHS said it was PTSD symptoms and a specific phobia, and put me on a wait list for a different type of therapy.

In the meantime a friend recommended hypnotherapy. I loved it. I had just 6 sessions, and then 1 session nearly a year later. I haven’t had a panic attack since. I enjoyed learning about my brain and it made everything make sense. I finally understood why I was feeling the way I did.

My skin isn’t ‘cured’. I realise now I was probably going through TSW (topical steroid withdrawal). I mean, I had a year off work, that’s some extreme eczema. I still have trouble regulating my temperature, I use hot water bottles in the summer and I use ice packs at night. I have ‘red sleeves’ often and still wake up in a pile of little flakes most days, but I’m coping. I have a good social life, work life, I qualified as a hypnotherapist and now am building my own business.

The trauma of TSW has left me with issues around intimacy, quite understandably, so this is something I’m still working on. I now know and recognise that I am good enough and worthy enough while still healing. I am not broken, I’m recovering.

Now my skin condition is one part of my life. Instead of being the only focus, and I can live the life I want, despite the flares.