LGBTQIA+ History Month

February is LGBTQIA+ history month. Why does this matter? Last year I heard someone ask why pride matters. It might seem like there’s nothing left to advocate for. That queer folks have all the rights they need. Well, I’m not straight. This means that in 64 countries, I break the law simply by existing. In 11 of those countries, I would face the death penalty. In 11 countries, myself and many of my closest friends, would be killed for simply being who we are. So yes, LGBTQIA+ history matters, as does pride.

It's not just about rights, but also about awareness. Showing people growing up in England here today, that it’s okay. People might be thinking, isn’t that already the case? Hasn’t my generation ‘normalised’ it? No. As someone who is nearly 30, this is the first time I’ve felt comfortable saying I’m not straight. In fact, I’m not even comfortable about it. There are very few people who I’ve said it to, and now I’m writing a blog to the world? Because I’m angry. I’m angry that I’m uncomfortable about it because it shouldn’t be the case. Even in my generation, there are so many people denying who they are out of fear, shame, and ingrained homophobic comments from our childhood. Growing up, calling someone or something ‘gay’ was a common insult. As a teenager, it was the norm. As an educated adult, it’s homophobic, and it’s damaging.

When someone close to me first suggested I might be asexual, I cried and took it as an insult. I didn’t even know what it meant. This is evidence that even within my generation, so much needs to change, including representation. There might be more gay and bi characters in films and on TV now, but what a panromantic, demisexual or asexual? Words I wish I had understood much sooner. When I mentioned asexuality to a doctor, they took my bloods to look at hormone levels. Can you imagine a doctor taking the blood of someone saying they were gay, to check everything was okay? All it did was imply there’s something wrong with me, and that I needed fixing. I spent years thinking I was broken.

That’s why LGBTQIA+ history and pride matters. So that our existence is legal. So that we don’t spend years supressing who we are, hiding or thinking we are broken. And by me continuing to be quiet, it feeds the voice within me saying I should be hiding. I have to remind myself of the words of Brooklyn 99’s Captain Holt:

"Every time someone steps up and says who they are, the world becomes a better, more interesting place.”

Writing this has actually been a bit therapeutic for me, who knows if I’ll post it, it’s been useful either way. I hope one day I can be empowered and confident in my identity, but mostly I hope that younger generations growing up now, won’t have that battle. I hope the spectrums become more well known in pop culture and in social media.

It was in the 1940s that a sex researcher, Alfred Kinsey, laid out how sexuality operated on a continuum (a sliding scale). It helped pave the way for labels that describe sexual orientations. Of course, anything other than straight was thought of as a mental disorder at this time. Pansexual was used from 1950s, but only really became common in the way we use the term today in the 1990s! The pan flag was only created in 2010!

If you’re questioning, I want you to know that your feelings are valid. You are not alone. Whatever you decide is okay, and it’s okay to change it too. If labels aren’t helpful to you, you don’t need to use them. And you are not broken, you are totally normal.

LGBTQI+ terms explained:

A pansexual person finds people attractive regardless of their gender or sex. They may refer to themselves as “gender blind,” meaning that gender does not influence their attraction. The attraction could be purely sexual, emotional, or both.

People who experience only emotional or romantic attraction may use the term “panromantic” to describe themselves.

Asexual people don’t experience sexual attraction. It is not a medical condition. Sexual attraction is not necessary for a person to be healthy or to have a loving relationship.

If you want to learn more, I find this style of video useful and comforting:

Asexual - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lMhix4nr_0g

Demisexual - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YBW7p8_fT2I

Non-binary - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kVe8wpmH_lU